Monday, April 28, 2014

Brand of Love

Everyone has a different brand of love. Have you ever thought about what is yours? Is it sensitive, caring, understanding, selfish, manipulative, loyal, possesive, abusive,the list is endless. What i mean by brand of love , is how you love.
I need you to think about the brand of love you are receiving. As well as the brand of love you are giving. Who do you love and how do you love them.

We are all won over by various brands for the fact that they fulfil some sort of a need, desire or satisfaction within us. Equally we can associate ourselves with the brands that identify with our current circumstances, needs and desires. Look at the things and people around you.

If we look at ourselves, and  the way we act and treat others in our relationships as a brand, what is it that we can say WE ARE?

An example can you say with certainty you are thoughtful, transparent, sincere? What can you ooze with confidence and assurity as something that can be identifiable with you?

There are brands that look good on the outside but we don’t return to because they didn’t have the validity that we seeked. Brands or i suppose better put people that don’t have your return buy in because they say you can trust me, you can respect me this is what i offer and unfortunately do not make good.

Brands like people that sell values that are identifiable with yours only to have you find they did not live up to the need, desire and satisfaction which you seeked are not life time lifelong brands.

Think about the brands/people that you constantly return to. Its their qualities, then think about the brands or people you have a deep mis-trust towards. These are all due to your encounters with  that brand.

Now i need you to think about the brand of love you are receiving. As well as the brand of love you are exuding. Who do you love and how do you love.

We all know our trusted (in the literal sense) brands, what they fufill and what we are sure we will get from them. Yet when at that shopping aisle it’s not uncommon to look at a different genre of music from your usual purchase. For example you love jazz and find yourself in the rock music section. You could still look and compare it to what is on the market before you purchase. This is, I think because we each want to get the best or know we are still getting the best.

This is why brands improve, offer you a better and more satisfying experience. It’s important to not stagnate. It’s important to constantly be aware that you are a brand amongst brands. That you offer what very many other people/brands in the market offer. However you have to be self-aware to be the best personal brand and not lose sight of you and your values.  

I think the best feeling in the world is knowing not to be fooled by a brand that does not meet your satisfaction levels.

So, let’s evaluate the brands of people in our lives, in our relationships.

We can trust a brand momentarily or we can trust a brand for a life time all depending on what values, satisfaction and desire levels we need met.

I love holding on to a good brand and we sincerely can hope that a brand will constantly remain true, time has the best kept secrets. It never whispers that happiness or disappointment is looming. I hope that you remain as sincere and an addictive dose of love. 

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Its Over There You Go You Are At The Break Up Point

It’s over now you get it, you have reached this point, this point being, [key music] the break up point, So it’s about keeping your dignity in tow and ensuring you don’t do the twitter and facebook rants. The angry and degrading sms’s, the stupid I’m still sexy or look how happy I am photo uploads or status updates. The break- ups of this era are a skilful manoeuvre which is why it has led to the downfall of many a people’s self-respect.  It’s important to look at the bigger picture, don’t fight the stupid fights, don’t react and do not go probing and instigating fights.  If ever there was a time to be calculating, the break up is it.

I have no experience with “real” addiction but a person can be an addiction so maybe I do. I can relate to withdrawals, wanting something that may be bad for you and most specifically in the instance of this conversation that thing that is bad for you is your ex-boyfriend. It is never too easy to get over someone for many of us, or should I say those of us that had genuine feelings.  I know that the reasons may be valid, he hurt you or you hurt him but ending relationships can be like kicking a drug habit. You want the safety net of old comforts but you don’t want the heartache that comes with it. So you have to admit to yourself that you will cry, you will be angry, you will be depressed, you may do stupid things.

What addictions are there in love? I say every single kind of addiction. There are the little things that you have to get use to on a daily basis most especially because you find that your routine is often so deeply rooted with having someone else there. It could be that either you saw each other every week or they called you, emailed you , instant messaged you, skyped you every day or whatever routine interval that worked for you. So that in itself is so hard. Realising that you have them on your Twitter, Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp and the list continues and you have to get use to fighting the urge which may at times seem like a need to reach out and connect.

Relationships come in this wrapper, you know like a sweet, like a present there is an expectation of happiness and there is the constant reinforcement of   I love, I miss you, I want you, you mean so much to me, you’re beautiful. As well as the pet names baby, honey, my love, sweetie, my queen the list is unending. This beautifully wrapped affection in itself a strong addiction.

The affection, the interaction and the pillar that creates in your life gets so entrenched that it makes a break up quite hard, quite difficult and I will not use any quite useful profanities to describe just how hard an ordeal cleansing yourself free from the routine is in a breakup.

There is a build up in a relationship, from the foundation phase layer by layer and often the hardest part of being out of a relationship is feeling destitute from that shelter you were constantly reinforcing.  Even when you have valid reasons for breaking up with someone it is such a battle with yourself to say I will not call him, I will not answer his calls and I will not return his calls. In this day and age this also includes I will not cyber stalk him, I don’t need to know what his status is. I will not ask mutual friends about him, because you have to cut the habit, cut the routine. So this break up battle ,the kicking the routine, avoiding the drug and trying to get into new habits is a great internal struggle. Most often “we got back together ” is because you were not strong enough to say, I will not, I cannot , I shall not insert this person back into the routine of my life. I know love is more than a routine but I believe love is a verb so it’s about the doing/action and if one can break away from those actions they better navigate mastering getting over a person with time.

I wish all of those at a break up point safe treading because it’s so easy to lose your self respect.

Things not to do during the break up point is:

-        Involving third party spectators, this is his or your friends, family and whomever else who is there to watch you explode at their own amusement. Do not facebook your anger, disappointment and/or resentment.  The thing is your adding an audience to what is already a hurtful experience. You can in confidence, in privacy get the support you need but facebook and twitter to generally random individuals is not smart, dignified or necessary.

-        Don’t endanger yourself, drinking and driving for instance or being reckless in whichever way won’t solve your problems. Do not run to destructive coping mechanisms.

-        Do not lean on that guy that’s always liked you, rebounds are useful but it may add insult to injury.

What to do at the break up point:

-        Realise it will be hard, cry when you need to cry, learn the lesson you need to learn. Reflect on every difficult aspect.

-        Break the old habits it will take time, break the old routines it will take time, its 1000% understandable that you will be sad, lonely, depressed, angry, fearful.

-        Calculating moves are to be deployed by you as a gaurding strategy for e.g. if he used to phone at a particular time, that may be a good time to switch off your phone so you are not constantly obsessing over it. If you use to skype at a particular time that may be a good time to not be on your computer. You may want to block the person on certain sites so you don’t have the reminders. You may want to deactivate yourself just to escape from stalking him.

-        The initial 2 weeks are the hardest, everything after those 14 days may become an easier adjustment.


I don’t have the magic wand just some sound thoughts on break up navigation, safe treading to all the newly broken, healing and on a growth path. He was a part of your world but certainly was not all of your world, this will only grow you.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Ladies & Your Double Standards

I had quite an eye opening conversation just a few days ago and in true blogger in me fashion. I went click, click, type, type to share as all blogging victims do.

My friend , male, as we need to clear that point up on this blog was telling me that he was beyond fed up with his girlfriend and her syndrome of save me, save me. 

According to my friend women have this mentality that when they have a boyfriend they absolve themselves of “male" duties. According to my friend women more then males are chauvinistic. This he believes is so because he does not seize to cook for himself, tend to the washing and ironing, clean his flat or stop all duties that a female could fulfil after he is an item. Whereas with women they have a tendency to stop even changing a light bulb after they are an item. 

"I get a list", he explains unamused .I feel that this is sad for my friend but what a victory for all women! A well trained lap poodle. How does she do it?  I want a guide: 10 Easy Ways To Turn Him Into Your Lap Poodle insert evil laugh. What a world of evil possibility. She’s not my friend but I take her side, she sounds like my kind of girl .I try and coax him into accepting her side but obviously we have different perspectives on the matter. 

"I'm not Mr Fix It”, he rambles on about being called for handy man duties. This tap is leaking can you fix it for me? , that light bulb is off can you change it? , this hinge is loose can you fix it? , can you do the wires for this appliance? , can you come help me move this furniture around? And the list continues. 

I'm confused, I thought this was innate in men and there to lies my own double standards. I guess in as much as women do not appreciate being placed in a box and expected to do certain things, men are the same. I mean really the world we live in today, when boyfriends don’t feel obliged to fix things here and there for you.

His point is a good one though, if you did it yourself before he was present continue to do it yourself while with him or prepare to drive him away and face doing it again for yourself after he leaves you.

Ladies, what a tough thing to adapt my mind to, I want to say men these days but then again women these days too so there you go, don't be full of double standards!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

You know Steven Segal movies ?

There is something so very cheap about Steven Segal movies. You can't put your finger on it . The explosions are there, the leading man has an instantly recognisable name , he is well dressed, the plot and the lines are all there. He exudes cool . The sets are interesting . The rest of the cast is decent too but still , there is something tacky and cheap about a Steven Segal movie. You cant say what is is but it is. What’s the point of all this analogy ?

It’s the same thing with some guys. They have the wheels, they have the threads , they talk the talk , they sell the image but there is just some indefinable characteristic about them that does not sit well. You may not be able to put your finger on it but its the Steven Segal movie " thing " . It’s something that just won’t add up.

Look at a Bruce Willis action movie . You don’t doubt it ! You just go with it completely taken in. Then look at a Steven Segal movie it lacks that thing that would make it a Bruce Willis movie.

Some men sell it and sell it and sell it but you’re not interested. You would pass the movie , you wouldn’t pick up the DVD. You don’t want it free on your tv , it’s just a pass.

The worst thing though are the people with the Steven Segal movie "thing" asking you why ?

Why don’t you find them "Bruce Willis movie" material and how can you answer that, like it’s just that you aren’t it .

Same budget, granted.
Great story, granted.
Some grey area of something’s not there, GRANTED!

Well all the best in spotting the Steven Segal movie from the Bruce Willis movie, you really should be able to.The worst thing though is your friend walking around with a Steven Segal movie telling you how AMAZING it is! Yuck, no its not, knowing it is enough satisfaction for me.

women & the evil eye

I really am confused by women that give each other the evil eye for no reason. Why is it that it has to be so uncomfortable that we are strangers? We are at the grocery store and you give a person the one-up eye. We are passing each other in the mall and you decide to pull a face and give a person  a dirty look. I find it really very annoying and unnecessary that as women, we act so catty. It’s almost always harder to get good service from one woman to another, sadly , especially in restaurants, why is this? I can never understand the way in which people just on body language can  express so much dislike for a person they do not know. Women almost never disappoint , its strange and i find it to be a common occurrence.

I walked into a small store, two girls about my age early twenties or possibly younger than me, behind the counter it's only when people walked in after me and got a warm pleasant greeting that i got annoyed. I was at a food store, there's a girl there, doing a promotion giving people testers of some food product as i approach near her she looks at me then looks away. How are we different , why do you give other women attitude,  women are really wrong for this and i really don’t know the root cause of it all. I just have become tired of having to deal with it.

I would say, its young girls that we need to grow up but actually its not. Married women with their husbands are like always on feline mode, ready to act like wild cats with their eye. How are we to blame that we are in the same space. Why do you assume that we want your husband?  I just don’t get the logic. Why give me the evil eye when walking with your husband or whatever. How would i do anything , we are just passing in the mall, we are just sitting across from you at the restaurant. Its ridiculous, and its a woman thing because men being more logical don’t walk around giving other guys the evil eye.

The worst has to be in the ladies in front of the mirror at a public toilet. Women are like seriously looking like they could murder you. They just pull a face, and give you and eye and communicate bitter hateful body language. And they actually walk out of the bathrooms enemies, seriously sad.

I hope women stop this nonsense , it isn’t cool or deserved to be on some unreasonable mean tip.

Especially when walking into a crowd of women and you don’t know at least one of the girls there , its going to be hard. Oh to be a woman!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Lovers What Happens at the ATM ?

I understand love and deep affection and the couples that are the envy of most of us for the mere fact that they seem like two parts of one puzzle. It’s okay to share the various aspects of your lives, to enact your uninhibited public displays of affection. I am just really unable to accurately get my mind wrapped around the idea that ATM couples are acceptable.

There is the weird phenomenon for me of couples at the ATM that will go with their partners and stand there staring at the ATM machine. He punches in his pin code, you are staring, he selects a display of how much money he has, you are staring, he withdraws money, and you are staring. I mean really would it hurt you to give the poor sucker some breathing room. Is it just me? I mean that finds it weird. I really cannot get over how it makes me judgemental to see these couples being so possessive and disrespectful (or so it seems to me). It feels like an infringement of privacy.

We each separately work hard, so I don’t need to breathe heavy on someone’s neck as they take out money at the ATM nor would I appreciate the same treatment.

This may be a level of trust and love and unity that is missing on my part because i see it all the time at the ATM and it makes me give people the evil eyebrow. What happened to privacy? As couples joined at the hip do absolutely everything together!

I mean really this is an encounter i rather not get use to , some independence , some privacy , some distance , fine you have no secrets from each other but all the way to the last cent ! How annoying to be so merged into one so much so that you trust someone with your rand value. The ATM couples need to find some ground rules because I make a point to look at the ring finger on the sister, and what do you know, it’s not there! So you are not married and that’s okay with you, to escort him and eyeball his money.

ATM sisters seize and desist, please! It’s not appropriate to follow your boyfriend and stare at him when he withdraws money. Seize and desist !

Friday, March 11, 2011

Tell me something do you work harder to get a man? Or do you work harder to keep a man?

That is the difference between the singles and the ones in relationships !

See I know people that work hard to Keep a man and I see some work harder at the first bit. That is to GET a man.

My take on this is, it’s like there are some people that start with a sprint and run out of energy and abandon the race. Then there are some people that are just so powerful in the middle of the race and they just have greater longevity, they seem to get stronger as the race progresses and they have the ability to see the race through.

This is my little analogy of the singles and the ones who aren’t

Which one do you think you are ?

The thing about it is you have to look realistically at the race. Are you looking for a short, quick sprint? Sprints are good right, or are you looking for a marathon, a long hard, extremely long achievement? You have to plan your race though, make sure you’re fit, and make sure you’re prepared mentally for that particular race. Like which person just takes on a marathon on a whim ? You have to have a cause and know that you’re in the right place at that time in your life to handle all the pressure.

Some girls want the marathon/marriage and you look at them and think mmm she should still be in training. She’s talking about the big leagues but like you being the very knowledgeable by-stander you turn up at the marathons. You cheer for them and say go for it, we wish you well! Because you know every losing team still has its supporters. That’s what friends are for ultimately. You know when it’s time to shut up and be back up and you know when to call a person out.

If you are not ready for the marathon, don’t fake it girl it’s not meant for all of us. A few sprints should get us ready for the big time marathon some day. Train at your own pace, I’m a proud sprinter and a little bit of cross country but a marathon. We can’t all claim to be ready for a marathon. Have you seen the sad injured people that try the race ill prepared ? We still kind of admire the fact that they were brave enough to take a leap of faith but we feel pity more than anything else. They didn’t train, they were not ready, their body took it hard they look horrid and exhausted and in such pain. That’s the difference between the sprinter and the marathon runners know your threshold  !