I see how it’s so easy (way way too easy) for us as women to create in our minds a pseudo, as in false , as in not real, as in live a lie. We actively create a delicate fabric in our imagination, to romanticize an impossible situation with a man. Women often live in a false sense of what’s real. It’s so easy for us to tip toe around things that might hurt us. You don’t want to believe that he’s cheating on you or that he doesn’t love you or that you’re a means to an end. We blind side ourselves because we are emotional creatures because we are forgiving creatures; more so when it comes to the interaction we have with the men in our lives. It is as though we see the fact that this bubble is delicate it can be poof! At any moment so until harsh reality confronts let me cruise without a brain and see where life ends with me. So we carefully shield ourselves from listening to the sensible inner voice. We go about our lives perpetuating stupid actions. Trusting for the wrong reasons, listening when we should not, defeating our own happiness by prolonging the pseudo reality and defending our bad actions “I think he might see how great I am and love me or treat me the way I deserve to be treated”. You back the man up in the fight that’s taking place with your inner voice or with friends and family. So you run with your pseudo reality, you defend your false vision; you protect a situation that you view COULD BE POSSIBLE.
We act passively as though we have no real control when in truth the reality is that we sideline the voice inside ourselves that speaks to reason. The voice that says “this is not who you are”, the voice that says “letting this man treat you this way does not do you justice”. You know what it is you deserve and it hurts not to get it. It is possible to take control over your emotions and say, this is not love because the actions do not speak to love or this is not respect because the actions (yours included) do not speak to respect. I am not going to take an active involvement in the destruction of my character. I am not going to be the kind of woman that can’t face her actions.
If I can be sensible to what I deserve at work, if I can be sensible and realize that at school what I put in results in my results I get. How is it that I cannot process (and be fine with myself) that I am working hard at something that cannot give me what I deserve? Out of the equation I see that it’s a fail and no sir it shall NOT pass by me!
Every now and again we live in a situation that is “apart from reality”. We can be well aware of the fact that the things he says are not true (not true to me), his actions are not honest and the things that he sells to you, you buy without question (or maybe you question it but you don’t fight your acceptance of the wrong outcome). I urge you as I urge myself to see the things in your life for what they are. I am going to try to live my life better, even if it may be hard initially. I am quality products I come fully functional with a mind, with an opinion, with a loving heart and nature, with a creative and imaginative soul. I am looking for a man that deserves what I have to offer and I am looking for the highest bidder that is looking to maintain my body, nurture my heart and feed my mind and soul. I come at a high price, all or nothing give me all of you and let me give you all of me. It’s all or nothing!!
Goodbye to my pseudo reality goodbye to me romanticizing a reality that does not sit well with who I am, you show a person how to treat you and I do believe if at any point I let down my guard and you thought I had no standards or principals , let me show you how high a barrier I create. And since I think you’re unable to jump and pass my requirements –thank you goodbye I guess I’ll catch next life time. There is no shortage of brother’s cause this right here what I got going on is top of the line high range quality love and it isn’t yours to have and hold and touch. I run this ship; watch me sail on to0o-to0o!
Fine, but the opposite is perhaps even more dangerous: romanticizing a reality that appears to sit very well with who you are yet is still just as imaginary.
ReplyDeleteThe notion you describe of this false perception of things people create, is, I think, the same thing many feminist authors are talking about when they use the term ‘alienation’ (originally coined by Marx I believe).
Abolishing our alienation, parting with our illusions, is for all of us in modernity, women and men, a grave challenge. The first step is, naturally, realising our own alienation. For many it seems this is a perpetual process, at some stage they realise that they have been living a lie, living in denial, but as to what exactly this truth that they are denying really is, of this they are unsure.
As such, one type of alienation turns to another, a new false consciousness is built to replace the old. We are seldom aware of this yet we do it all the time.
On this note I therefore respectfully put forward what I view as being perhaps an example of these phenomena that is demonstrated in your own writing. Not that I claim this to be the truth of the matter as to who you are personally, that I do not know.
“I am looking for a man that deserves what I have to offer and I am looking for the highest bidder that is looking to maintain my body, nurture my heart and feed my mind and soul.
" I come at a high price, all or nothing give me all of you and let me give you all of me. It’s all or nothing!!”
The intent of your words is exactly the opposite of the words themselves.
The above passage is meant to convey a sentiment to counter the ideology that defines woman as products to serve the wants of men.
But this statement is false even though at one level it is true.
True, a woman should by all means not allow herself to be defined as a product whose purpose is to please a man.
But to me this seems only a secondary concern.
What is more fundamental is that she should not view herself as a ‘product’ at all!
There can, in reality, be no “highest bidder” for your love because you yourself are not a commodity to be bought.
Likewise, conceiving yourself as having a price (high or otherwise) suffers from the same self-alienation.
You are not an object you are a subject, a person, and as such, you have no price.
As to “all or nothing”, well... I fear that this is the biggest “romanticizing” of all, simply put: you are a person, not a possession, thus nobody should (or reasonably could) “have you all”, you are yours, I am mine.
To me it seems that modern relations between men and woman are most often victim to this sort of alienation, that we turn love and partnership, into ownership and possession.
Love gets hurt when made into a contract.
We are hurting ourselves tremendously by contracting our being and our love in this way, we don’t do it in the literal sense (at least we try not to) yet we allow ourselves to commodify ourselves and our relationships in practice nonetheless.
Hey Simon,
ReplyDeleteI am in full agreement with what you have pointed out to me.
The truth is that i do not view myself as an object, i think its me trying to communicate value and how one (like myself) is looking to be valued. Not in a "im for sale" financial sense but in a value my conversation, value my opnion, value my beliefs, value things that are important to me sense (maybe i failed in my expression). So like you said "you are a person, not a possession, thus nobody should (or reasonably could) “have you all”, you are yours, I am mine" I agree with this. I do not view myself to be a product yes my words are in fact " the opposite of the words themselves "
What is interesting is the value we place on love it is priceless. We are defensive to ensure we do not....(i'll continue this sorry hey...)
we are defensive to ensure that we place it above the level of other human interactions. We seek love...its placed at a level that is revered.
ReplyDeleteRevered because we want it...we seek it ...it has this hold over most of us. A four letter word LOVE... an emotion.
You know i think that there are elements of this article more so towards the end there ...that "give me all or nothing ..." bit that is in fact a continuation of me romanticising life and relationships...the false, unattainable. some where you say "one type of alienation turns to another, a new false consciousness is built to replace the old. We are seldom aware of this yet we do it all the time "
ReplyDelete* applause * on that Simon , its the most real and honest part of our reality.