Things are always good in the beginning when the romance is good and the chemistry is high. But if you want to find out what your partner is really like see how he behaves, and notice the things he says when you are fighting. How respectful does he remain when you are at opposite ends. The true reflection of the longevity and sustainability of any relationship is how much of the ying and yang, the good and the bad of the man you are comfortable enough to deal with. Things get bad when you fight right? So look at how he fights.
- He involves his friends when we fight…
Oh no , there is nothing worse than the type of person who has to bring in his best friend or some third party into what is between two grown people. Now you are working through a mediator that has their back. I hope you like and respect his friends otherwise girl your battle is long and hard. His need to involve his rat pack probably means that there is little about your relationship they don't know. His inability to be independent of his friends will hurt you more than it will support you.
- He involves his family when we fight…
Basically you have to deal with his family thinking you’re stubborn, and family is always the worst because they now his dirty laundry but they expect you to deal with it because you’re with him. Best thing you could do is not let them run all over you, but don’t break bonds because blood is thicker than any fine water! You can never get away from family. So if that's how you plan to solve your problems make it balanced , private and planned. There are horror stories about the family meeting ambush.
- He is abusive when we fight…
I’m sorry why are you with a man that is abusing you? Get some self respect you teach a person how to treat you meaning what? Just as much as he may have issues, you need help because so do you.
- He runs to his ex when we fight…
I have heard of the backslider the one that is spotted with the ex, calls the ex, booty calls the ex and cannot understand that he makes a bad situation worse. By adding a pile of additional drama, you can’t fix this one –leave the fight, best just move on sister.
- He goes MIA (missing in action) when we fight…
He doesn’t take your calls. He doesn’t respond to your messages. He totally avoids all contact with you. Girl you’re in trouble but the good thing is he is cooling off. I have respect for the MIA fighter because I am the MIA fighter myself, no words no actions just give the person space to continue to live without you or to reappear when they are willing to hash things out in civil manner (as much as civil is possible in fights that is)
- He stalks me when we fight…
Girl, that’s how people end up dead and on the news, get your butt as far as distant as possible. That aint love just a lot of crazy.
In as much as I don’t love fights, I love fights because they do reveal some very important areas of a person’s character. So I wish you successful discoveries from your fights in future. Now don't be telling your friends thinking they got your back about stuff that don't involve them. If you want him to be respectful enough to not be involving his friends, family and some third party in your fights do yourself a favour and don't make it girl talk with your friends not unless you want everybody involved in your business.
You know a breath of fresh air. That’s really what most women want from a man (well some, just go with me). You don’t want to find yourself coughing in the fumes. You don’t want to feel like you’re not thinking clear. You don’t want to feel like this environment is not good for you and is damaging you. You want to feel like you are in the right space, that you can see the road ahead and that it’s healthy and supporting your way forward. That's what I mean by saying; sometimes all you want to feel is good, in a simple way good. It just has to be really easy and really good for you in an uncomplicated way. Like breathing simple, deep clean air in and out simple.
This is often hard to find, because some men are just hard to take in. They are bad for you and you feel like you’re in a fog of pollution and you can’t find the way out. The air looks clean but really it’s not. So you're stumbling and you're trying to figure out why am I so deep in pollution , it’s hard to breathe, it’s hard to see, and instead you're looking for an out and your trying to get out of a bad and heavy situation. So you can breathe.
Good clean air is good for all areas of your being and your health. That's why women ask for space. “I need space". In other words I need to get away from your bad energy, you’re clogging my vision, you’re polluting my future and preventing me from some aspect of my life I feel I need fulfilled. And with you here it’s not happening.
So some relationships can be done and others cannot be done, on the basis of energy. What are you to her? What is he to you? Things can start off good and end up really bad for you.
So what do I want? (Say it with me) it’s simple all I want is fresh air!
Please forgive me i do not at all mean to come at you on a rude, outlandish front. I just really do need to know, where do ladies buy condoms?
This is what i understand there are so many things that women require bravery for still in this day and age. There are situations that remain rather difficult such as buying a pack of condoms for instance,like you want to be fine about it but it feels on a respectful level somewhat wrong and eyebrow raising. So where on earth does a lady go and still maintain comfort and dignity and feel proper when buying condoms ? I just really feel as though society does not create enough comfortable situations where one can buy something like this without looking over the shoulder and trying to whisper to the till clerk.
The pharmacy is always full and the petrol stations are such nightmares. So now really where does one go and feel okay with themselves.
Picture this you as a girl casually walk in a perol station or pharmacy or whatever and you just came in for the condoms so you wont even front. There are people around the counter and its fine. You say it "can i have 3 boxes of those *brand name* condoms please" * ting* *swipe* you pay its done and no one made you feel bad about it.You walk out and no one is staring or looking from the corner of their eye.
The pharmacist didnt hand you an STD booklet , the person at the petrol station didnt call people with his eyes and ask loudly "which condoms sister.." and there was no judgement. Can i have this perfect world please, so my question remains, where do ladies buy condoms ?
I am happy to go my way and have him go his because it lasted a minute and then it really was not worth the effort. These are the days of my life youth is fleeting and the better thing to do was to get on with the business of living my life and living it to the full.
All i had to do was go back to sensibility and i realised that i am not broken for any reason because of this short encounter. I wish him the best and i too go about living out my moments in life that i believe are leading me to the best ( the best is yet to come ).
The great thing about life is when you allow yourself a true perspective to absorb the lessons and soak in the wisdom ,i have no issue on this matter because i have soaked in what i view to be the important lessons.
All i have is a calm and really it takes up so little of my time, its on the odd moment that i see something that brings back a reference to you (if you're reading this). Other then that why would I?
I can not change the things about me that i feel were not an accurate representation of my confidence, of my value of certain aspects of certain things. But in the end what does it matter , im over it and happy to go about my life .
It was an encounter and there you go ...such is life !
Why do you assume that because i am in my twenties i got a life with you " forever and ever" in mind ?
Brother please, the last thing that i have on my mind is any of that but more and more i find it interesting how i see it dropped into conversation. Please someone tell this guy (great as he may be or view himself to be) that i dont have him in my life for all of life in my cards or anywhere in sight.
I cringe and i would barf if i could at another man that comes into my life and wants to gage my future-meter.
The only thing in my long term plans is a career, and my studies and working hard at pushing my ambitions.
So now i drop it into conversation like how men do " maybe i'll make you my hubby ","you're the father of my chlidren" all that psycho babble that men like to do , plant seeds into you dangle what they view to be a carrot.
Someone close to me said i must cool down my temper if i hope to find a man. Why should i adjust myself for a man ? why should i feel the need to alter any aspect of my personality so that its comfortable to a man. Men dont alter their personalities, they make sure women work around them.We adabt, i am tired of being the adapter, the one who alters this and that to fit into the needs of a man. Please no pressure , dont marry me i will ensure my own future happiness by placing that responsibility on myself, shoot i'll marry myself.
So please dont flatter yourself ...aint nobody wanna marry your ass. The reason why women dont lobola men is that some aint worth a single live chicken let alone a standing cow never mind the dignity of a herd of cows.
Why is it so easy for us to create a false sense of reality? A bubble so delicate that it’s not any real protection from the elements.
I see how it’s so easy (way way too easy) for us as women to create in our minds a pseudo, as in false , as in not real, as in live a lie. We actively create a delicate fabric in our imagination, to romanticize an impossible situation with a man. Women often live in a false sense of what’s real. It’s so easy for us to tip toe around things that might hurt us. You don’t want to believe that he’s cheating on you or that he doesn’t love you or that you’re a means to an end. We blind side ourselves because we are emotional creatures because we are forgiving creatures; more so when it comes to the interaction we have with the men in our lives. It is as though we see the fact that this bubble is delicate it can be poof! At any moment so until harsh reality confronts let me cruise without a brain and see where life ends with me. So we carefully shield ourselves from listening to the sensible inner voice. We go about our lives perpetuating stupid actions. Trusting for the wrong reasons, listening when we should not, defeating our own happiness by prolonging the pseudo reality and defending our bad actions “I think he might see how great I am and love me or treat me the way I deserve to be treated”. You back the man up in the fight that’s taking place with your inner voice or with friends and family. So you run with your pseudo reality, you defend your false vision; you protect a situation that you view COULD BE POSSIBLE.
We act passively as though we have no real control when in truth the reality is that we sideline the voice inside ourselves that speaks to reason. The voice that says “this is not who you are”, the voice that says “letting this man treat you this way does not do you justice”. You know what it is you deserve and it hurts not to get it. It is possible to take control over your emotions and say, this is not love because the actions do not speak to love or this is not respect because the actions (yours included) do not speak to respect. I am not going to take an active involvement in the destruction of my character. I am not going to be the kind of woman that can’t face her actions.
If I can be sensible to what I deserve at work, if I can be sensible and realize that at school what I put in results in my results I get. How is it that I cannot process (and be fine with myself) that I am working hard at something that cannot give me what I deserve? Out of the equation I see that it’s a fail and no sir it shall NOT pass by me!
Every now and again we live in a situation that is “apart from reality”. We can be well aware of the fact that the things he says are not true (not true to me), his actions are not honest and the things that he sells to you, you buy without question (or maybe you question it but you don’t fight your acceptance of the wrong outcome). I urge you as I urge myself to see the things in your life for what they are. I am going to try to live my life better, even if it may be hard initially. I am quality products I come fully functional with a mind, with an opinion, with a loving heart and nature, with a creative and imaginative soul. I am looking for a man that deserves what I have to offer and I am looking for the highest bidder that is looking to maintain my body, nurture my heart and feed my mind and soul. I come at a high price, all or nothing give me all of you and let me give you all of me. It’s all or nothing!!
Goodbye to my pseudo reality goodbye to me romanticizing a reality that does not sit well with who I am, you show a person how to treat you and I do believe if at any point I let down my guard and you thought I had no standards or principals , let me show you how high a barrier I create. And since I think you’re unable to jump and pass my requirements –thank you goodbye I guess I’ll catch next life time. There is no shortage of brother’s cause this right here what I got going on is top of the line high range quality love and it isn’t yours to have and hold and touch. I run this ship; watch me sail on to0o-to0o!
