I am happy to go my way and have him go his because it lasted a minute and then it really was not worth the effort. These are the days of my life youth is fleeting and the better thing to do was to get on with the business of living my life and living it to the full.
All i had to do was go back to sensibility and i realised that i am not broken for any reason because of this short encounter. I wish him the best and i too go about living out my moments in life that i believe are leading me to the best ( the best is yet to come ).
The great thing about life is when you allow yourself a true perspective to absorb the lessons and soak in the wisdom ,i have no issue on this matter because i have soaked in what i view to be the important lessons.
All i have is a calm and really it takes up so little of my time, its on the odd moment that i see something that brings back a reference to you (if you're reading this). Other then that why would I?
I can not change the things about me that i feel were not an accurate representation of my confidence, of my value of certain aspects of certain things. But in the end what does it matter , im over it and happy to go about my life .
It was an encounter and there you go ...such is life !
Why do you assume that because i am in my twenties i got a life with you " forever and ever" in mind ?
Brother please, the last thing that i have on my mind is any of that but more and more i find it interesting how i see it dropped into conversation. Please someone tell this guy (great as he may be or view himself to be) that i dont have him in my life for all of life in my cards or anywhere in sight.
I cringe and i would barf if i could at another man that comes into my life and wants to gage my future-meter.
The only thing in my long term plans is a career, and my studies and working hard at pushing my ambitions.
So now i drop it into conversation like how men do " maybe i'll make you my hubby ","you're the father of my chlidren" all that psycho babble that men like to do , plant seeds into you dangle what they view to be a carrot.
Someone close to me said i must cool down my temper if i hope to find a man. Why should i adjust myself for a man ? why should i feel the need to alter any aspect of my personality so that its comfortable to a man. Men dont alter their personalities, they make sure women work around them.We adabt, i am tired of being the adapter, the one who alters this and that to fit into the needs of a man. Please no pressure , dont marry me i will ensure my own future happiness by placing that responsibility on myself, shoot i'll marry myself.
So please dont flatter yourself ...aint nobody wanna marry your ass. The reason why women dont lobola men is that some aint worth a single live chicken let alone a standing cow never mind the dignity of a herd of cows.
Why is it so easy for us to create a false sense of reality? A bubble so delicate that it’s not any real protection from the elements.
I see how it’s so easy (way way too easy) for us as women to create in our minds a pseudo, as in false , as in not real, as in live a lie. We actively create a delicate fabric in our imagination, to romanticize an impossible situation with a man. Women often live in a false sense of what’s real. It’s so easy for us to tip toe around things that might hurt us. You don’t want to believe that he’s cheating on you or that he doesn’t love you or that you’re a means to an end. We blind side ourselves because we are emotional creatures because we are forgiving creatures; more so when it comes to the interaction we have with the men in our lives. It is as though we see the fact that this bubble is delicate it can be poof! At any moment so until harsh reality confronts let me cruise without a brain and see where life ends with me. So we carefully shield ourselves from listening to the sensible inner voice. We go about our lives perpetuating stupid actions. Trusting for the wrong reasons, listening when we should not, defeating our own happiness by prolonging the pseudo reality and defending our bad actions “I think he might see how great I am and love me or treat me the way I deserve to be treated”. You back the man up in the fight that’s taking place with your inner voice or with friends and family. So you run with your pseudo reality, you defend your false vision; you protect a situation that you view COULD BE POSSIBLE.
We act passively as though we have no real control when in truth the reality is that we sideline the voice inside ourselves that speaks to reason. The voice that says “this is not who you are”, the voice that says “letting this man treat you this way does not do you justice”. You know what it is you deserve and it hurts not to get it. It is possible to take control over your emotions and say, this is not love because the actions do not speak to love or this is not respect because the actions (yours included) do not speak to respect. I am not going to take an active involvement in the destruction of my character. I am not going to be the kind of woman that can’t face her actions.
If I can be sensible to what I deserve at work, if I can be sensible and realize that at school what I put in results in my results I get. How is it that I cannot process (and be fine with myself) that I am working hard at something that cannot give me what I deserve? Out of the equation I see that it’s a fail and no sir it shall NOT pass by me!
Every now and again we live in a situation that is “apart from reality”. We can be well aware of the fact that the things he says are not true (not true to me), his actions are not honest and the things that he sells to you, you buy without question (or maybe you question it but you don’t fight your acceptance of the wrong outcome). I urge you as I urge myself to see the things in your life for what they are. I am going to try to live my life better, even if it may be hard initially. I am quality products I come fully functional with a mind, with an opinion, with a loving heart and nature, with a creative and imaginative soul. I am looking for a man that deserves what I have to offer and I am looking for the highest bidder that is looking to maintain my body, nurture my heart and feed my mind and soul. I come at a high price, all or nothing give me all of you and let me give you all of me. It’s all or nothing!!
Goodbye to my pseudo reality goodbye to me romanticizing a reality that does not sit well with who I am, you show a person how to treat you and I do believe if at any point I let down my guard and you thought I had no standards or principals , let me show you how high a barrier I create. And since I think you’re unable to jump and pass my requirements –thank you goodbye I guess I’ll catch next life time. There is no shortage of brother’s cause this right here what I got going on is top of the line high range quality love and it isn’t yours to have and hold and touch. I run this ship; watch me sail on to0o-to0o!
I know it seems cruel and cold and heartless of me but he said " i love you " and i said "okay"
I mean honestly its not wrong of me to say okay , i am after all okay with the fact that he loves me. The issue is that he got mad at me because all i said was okay with a straight face. Why would a person force it from you, they cant so they must understand that we process love at a different pace. There was no way that i would say it just because he had said it.
I still have to think if i love him, do i love him? should i love him? love just comes right or do you decide on it? when do you know?
Actually i love very few people, its just a reserved emotion. But it worries me that I can say "im inlove" to a beautiful pair of shoes but not to someone who's there and cares and shows emotion.It is my prerogative right?
I know some where in my mind i'm like "oh please please give me a break , these men and their "love" and honestly. He's a beautiful liar though but really i'm keeping my cards to my chest and my wits about me".
If this is a chess set i want to know which piece am i , am i the queen the one he shields and protects or am i the pawn dispensable at any moment or maybe not so low in the food chain but still i'm not what the game is about. I'm good if i'm there but either way i can go. It really hurts to get the full picture and realise "OUCH !" but i'd rather enter the game knowing where all the pieces lie.
So he made his move and said "i love you" it doesn't make him my king because i'm still setting up the pieces of who is who in my life. I know that no one understands my logic better then a man -so he'll forgive me because all its going to be is okay from me.
By Lindi Khumalo
You know what I think that I have fallen for the "let’s go fifty fifty" female empowerment mantra way too much. I think it’s time I back track on that little philosophy because I see that it only actually applies to finances in relationships.
I don't see brothers (i.e. boyfriends, husbands, partners) going fifty fifty on the dishes, on the washing , on the cleaning, on the child-bearing and child birth on the pretty much everything that makes relationships work.
So why on earth should I feel that I am "empowered" by the fact that I make fifty percent contributions on financial matters? It seems to me that I am still doing more by actually going fifty fifty on this aspect. I have never asked for money from a partner and I don’t see a circumstance as a single lady (i.e. not married) where I would need to. Don’t get me wrong this still won’t change. What has changed is that I will no longer badly label women that have men do things for them. I think that I now I have come to reassess my beliefs on this matter and I do believe that I have a new found appreciation and respect for women that allow their man to do what men should do and that is be the provider.
Okay I know that for those of you that know me well you’re not buying it. Please though take the time to assess it with me. Women deserve to be given more in certain areas because we also give much more in other areas of the relationship.
So in as much as I can do it for myself be a man and do it for me! Women cover so many scores in a relationship. We work at it so much harder in my personal opinion. So I think it's okay for us to get over our qualms about being taken care of. My independent sisters I am indeed finding new respect for the ladies that have no guilt in the fact that their man pays for most of their living expenses he refuels the car, pays for the service, pays for their rent, cell phone bill, clothes, shoes, food, even for their hair trips to the salon. Why on earth not, we deserve to be treated with a higher sense of worth then meaningless words. It’s all in the actions am I correct? Love is a verb am I correct?
So yes this pertains to his actual treatment of you rather than just vocalising without action. It’s his consideration and thoughtfulness towards you. I think that it is considerate for a man to do, to give, and be accountable for his woman. It’s not gold digging its value for value. So in as much as we are strong women doing things for ourselves we want the kind of man that can do it because he loves us enough to not view it as being taken advantage of. It’s not a situation where I am going to force you or ask you, it’s a situation where you show me the strength of your ability to love me enough that you take care of me, and all areas that see to my well being.
So I guess I’m not looking for an equal partner, I guess I am changing my perceptions of a man's role. I will gladly allow you to take the position of head of the household but you have got to man up to the fact that this position is not one you take because it appeals to you to feel like you are in charge. You must in fact take charge. You must in fact take charge of the rent or mortgage, car payments, electricity, water and all facets my good man that honour that role. If it makes you happy your man should do it for you.
Instead of Burning bra’s to feel empowered the more tactical alert woman will burn her cheque book let a real man take care of that area right there.
Now there is a difference in situations there are circumstances where a man is trying to buy you, where you’re a gold digger and it’s not love. Situations where women are not motivated to do things for themselves. But if it is love, true and real I see no place where one can find this to be an unjust expectation from a man.
So my sisters I’m not completely there myself but I’m planting a seed of possibility that was imparted to me by a wise woman. It is fair to say it’s not wrong, not manipulative to let the financial arrangements fall on the man. Maybe you do all of the cooking, that’s seen as okay. Maybe you do all the cleaning and the washing, that’s seen as okay (even if you have a maid you oversee the process). You take care of yourself and go out of your way to please, nurture and satisfy him and all his needs, and that’s okay. So how is it not okay to let go of the finances? So in my view it is a fair stance then to say, I do not want to go fifty fifty on a relationship because it’s unfeasible. There are things I see to and there are things he sees to.
Here’s my take what’s yours?
I don’t know whether one can count the outright facebook flirtation as cheating. Certainly one would assume any boyfriend would know that like any good girlfriend we spend a good length of time thoroughly trackingtheir comments on facebook. I get to know who all his friends are, who all the women that regularly comment are. It’s like my little spy tool. I watch all the moves he makes all the things he says and if at all I didn’t hear from him that day. I don’t act like some nervous needy girlfriend I just open and check if he has posted anything on facebook. If he has had enough time to post a status update and he hasn’t had the good sense to make some sort of contact with me first at all that day. I make a note decide if I want to play the part of the crazy girlfriend but usually I am satisfied to know that I at least have some idea of how his day has been so far and what small thing occupied his thoughts that day.
It confuses me though when he flirts, I think to myself does he know I can read this little comment he posted on her status. Now I don’t know her, okay but that’s not the point because I track his comments whether I am her facebook friend or not. And better yet he can’t say it’s his cousin.
Facebook is two sided; who regularly comments on his status without fail and whose status does he usually take the time to comment on.
Now the investigator in me, because I’m built like that will look at the regular female commenter‘s and will be aware of who he talks about or brings into conversation. Whether it’s a work colleague, a neighbour, a friend’s sister – all those names form a data base in my head. I check those names against the regular commenter’s on his facebook and like any woman I check those against the things I find on his phone including the all-essential -phone log. Why check the messages, any cheater deletes that first it’s the call log that reveals the most essential information. I don’t know why guys always forget to delete the call log.
This is done all as a measure to see if I really do have a reason to suspect foul play over his facebook flirtations because I am unwilling to degrade myself to the degree where I say “why did you say *wink wink* on so-and-so’s status. Why did you call her sweety”, because you play it cool, if you’ve been in the game a good measure you know to always play it cool. Who wants their boyfriend thinking they have some big brother *I’m watching you*version of a girlfriend. But honestly I am watching you!!! So until 1 + 1 =2 it’s all good but I better not put a sum together that says you’re with someone else * evil LOL*!!!!
